jangan kerana satu titik, kau ibaratkan semuanya kotor. jangan pikir kau sorang baik, sedangkan kau lebih buruk.

just because i couldnt make the time to meet you, i was labelled. thank you.

"..... and i really think i have this negative thing against guys/males/man.... i guess i can never be normal.... fuck it...."

because i know i just cant say i miss you no more... but i really do. sucks big time.

when i wished i could give a loud shout out, telling the whole world of my problem. but hearing theirs made me small. im such a loser.

jatoh lagi girl?

well here i am. as usual. left alone.

" and i realise this whole time i've been trying to perfect someone else's step, instead of finding my own.." - sarah, save d last dance

there's no such thing as a happy fairy tale ending. the director just didnt want to show you how a real life can actually be. he said, let them find the real way to live life.

i've always been crappy. saying crappy things to you. im sorry about that.
i havent been a good friend to you. im sorry about that.

truth is, im afraid to be your friend. cause im always gonna want more.
but i thought i'd rather have you as a friend than nothing at all.

and im sorry about that. about me being me. maybe i've been too much. maybe it's just best to leave it as it is.

every single day. i had doubts. i wanted to give up.
im simply tired. i really am. i just dont understand what's in your mind.
but i simply just couldnt give up. because i've already promised you. that i will always be here for you. although it hurts.

because i shall keep at least this one promise. till you are truly happy.

as much as i try to be like a normal friend to you, i dont think that's the case for you..

what you reap is what you sow,
oh hajar, didnt i tell you so?
all the promises that you broke,
now seems to be eating you slow.

stop the tape, forward to tuesday please.

argh. i fucking hate this feelings.

when too many things are playing in my mind, making me confused on what exactly im thinking/worrying about - that's like fucked up.

like seriously, it keeps bugging me. im feeling all jittery, palm wet, feet cold, heart pumping fast.

plus. a body that is on the way to having fever. a body feels cranky after a fall in the toilet. a head that feels like it got hit by a baseball bat.

and tmr is monday. marketing lesson. marketing ut after that. and fyp meeting after that.

HOW'S THAT?


no, not reasons... but what the fuck?

when at times u had that little inch of desire to change.confidence.positivity. there will always be something that kills it.burns it.demoralise you. and the next instant, you are back to being you.....

got a new resolution, it seems..

i got a good feeling when i think of work in the future... something new. something nice aye?

in 2 years time..

to do/have list:

change my room layout.
- new wardrobe
- new bed
- new painting
- treat my parents to a holiday
- go on a holiday with friends.

will i be able to do it?

a picture doesnt really tell a thousand words. it's our memories that make you go speechless. cause no words can ever describe what or how it was. but sadly, memories fade.





release me.cause im releasing you. well at least im trying my best.


peace.love.

when at some point of time.. i dont regret for whatever i did. because i believe i had made you smile. even if it was a long long time ago.

because all i ever hope.. in the midst of us being away, so near yet so far.. for you to be fine, just fine.

hey you,

i really dont know what happened. that made you stay away from me. that made you go quiet. that made you leave me just like that.. hanging..

it's okay. just know that watever happens, i'll be right here for you if you ever need someone to talk to, a shoulder to lean on to, a friend.

and that will be enough for me.

you have to learn to start saying no, hajar. you really do.

dont wait till they say.. "time's up."

your choice.

if others can do to me, why cant i do to them?

karma blind?

people change not because of time. but because they really cant stand YOU anymore. fuck you. stop making yourself look like some innocent bitch. you're just the same as any other so called friend, my dear.

once again, fuck you.

cause even in silence, im not at peace. for i am forever fighting against myself.

tk hairan laa dgn kau! sial.

im really tired.. of being in silence..

just as i managed to let you go, you came back. and then you disappear, once again.

what am i to you? a hotel?